Thanks for the reminder, Marilyn!...

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 
― Marilyn Monroe

I read this quote from Marilyn and was immediately struck with the irony.  Marilyn died.  Was that the result of mental illness? I don’t think I have confirmation of that, but I really do see her as having been haunted by something.  Isn’t it amazing that a woman so beautiful and talented would have such a struggle?  It isn’t really all that unusual.  If you look at many of our icons and celebrities, the scene is littered with struggle.  We obsess about Lindsay Lohan and her most recent kerfuffle…and how about that Britney Spears?  Michael Jackson?  You get the point.  I don’t need to keep repeating.  While I don’t have a diagnosis sitting in front of me, I believe strongly that these people (have?) had some kind of mental illness.  If it is so prevalent in the celebrity population, why do we deny it in the general population?  (By the way, I invite you to sit down and come up with your own list of celebs you think might have mental illness. I’d be willing to bet that you can come up with a few examples that I haven’t.  I didn’t even have to try all that hard to come up with my list.)

My point here is that mental illness is part of life for many people.  They live lives in a struggle with a biochemical monster that robs them of relationship, stability, joy and (many times) actual life.  And as a society, we pretend it isn’t there.  It doesn’t happen.  Or if we acknowledge that it is there, we blame the patient.  How many times have you judged someone (ANYONE!) with mental illness and found them lacking.  Why is he/she so strange?  She doesn’t get out of bed and get a job, what is wrong with that woman?  Or, if he would only exercise, it would be all better. Or look at that crazy person, he’s talking to himself! Or even, if he would just choose to change, he could do it.  He must not want to.

I have spoken to you before about stigma.  And how I believe it actually damages the lives of those struggling with the illness.  I remember the times that I felt so out there with my Mom.  I would have given my life to have someone say to me, “Judy, she is just ill”.  The stigma is at the bottom of my deep sense of shame about my Mom and her illness.  And it is why I feel like I am “coming out of the closet” in discussing this with you.  I have been told that I may be destroying my career because I have shared this.  And looking at it logically, I believe that may be the truth.  But at a certain point, I am not sure I care all that much anymore.  Having an illness is not really a shameful thing.  Especially one that we think is biochemical and genetic.  What do you think, that we asked for this?  Are the women in my family somehow less than you?  Or weaker?  Is it because of the way we think?  Or do we just need to toughen up?  And maybe if we were just more moral, we would have avoided it?  Guess what…none of that is true.  We have a genetic issue.  It is a physical problem at the heart of it.  And this problem is one that has sometimes had an overwhelming impact on our lives.

As much as we laugh or judge the problems experienced by Lindsay or Britney, or Michael…it is truly a ” there but for the grace of God” thing.  We are all human.  And mental illness is like physical illness.  Sometimes, it simply happens.  In those that are blessed with fame and great talent.  And in those who are simply ‘regular folk’ trying to live their lives.

In the above quote from Marilyn, I was also very aware of how much I could relate to her.  She is describing me.  And countless others.  Some struggling with mental illness, some not.  Why do we not allow other human beings the gift of simply allowing them to be human?  Why do we not just love those struggling with mental and other types of illness?  As you look at your life and attitudes in relationship to this topic, I hope that if I have made you aware of nothing else, I have brought you in touch with your compassion.