As I've said before...writing can be a metaphor for what I experience in recovery. As I stretch myself in new directions, I see old patterns. For example, I tend to be one of those people who have to realize things myself before I really see it. I can't always just 'hear' something and just get it. How did this become something I realize? In working on my book, what has been the most difficult thing for me to figure out is how to organize it. In my head, a book has to be like a story...with a beginning, a middle, and an end. The problem is that what I write doesn't fit into that pattern. And when I sit down to sift articles to begin an outline, I realize it. Then I become overwhelmed and just give up.
I've had more than a couple of good friends try to explain to me that I don't have to make what I write fit that pattern. And I listened. But I didn't get it. How do I know that? Because after these conversations, I would go back and look at my articles and get overwhelmed again. And then I would give up. No matter how much sense these people made, I still hid out in the overwhelmed feeling. And the result is that I avoided the project. What was that about? Well, I didn't actually have to do the work. I couldn't. I was convinced of it. The thought didn't occur to me that I was the one making up the rules, so I could darn well change them. And when someone tried to suggest that, I didn't actually sit down and change the rules. I looked at the articles and became convinced that it wasn't "do-able". And we were back to square one.
What changed? I've downloaded the software that is going to help me write the book. And I'm slowly training myself to use it. Which means that I'm learning how to use a new tool. Learning the new tool helped me to open my mind a little bit and think outside of the box I've placed myself in. Yesterday morning, as I again looked at my articles, I had a sudden realization. I really DON'T have to write a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. I can organize chapters around themes. Then I can pick and choose which articles I want to use to help explain that theme. Which is EXACTLY what my friends have been telling me all along. Will it work? I think so. And I'm very ready to sit down and start working it out. I had a Eureka! moment.
How does this relate to recovery? How many times have you been told about a tool you could use to feel better and you said "Yes, but...."? How many times have you framed an answer as someone who cares for you offered a possible solution, thus invalidating the suggestion? How many times have you avoided listening to people who have ideas because you think you know better? I can tell you, I have done those things many times. And I have 'listened' as many of you do it in my groups. What is the first attitude you have to have in order to recover? You have to have an attitude of openness. You have to be willing to listen...and willing to actually hear. I feel like I've grown in the last couple of days. Not because I'm writing a book. Because I actually opened my ears and listened. As my friend Karen said to me..."You've already written most of it already". And I finally heard that. Now, I'm ready to move forward. I would love to hear how you can relate. Tell me about your Eureka! moments and what they've helped you accomplish. When we share, we both grow. Let's talk!
I've had more than a couple of good friends try to explain to me that I don't have to make what I write fit that pattern. And I listened. But I didn't get it. How do I know that? Because after these conversations, I would go back and look at my articles and get overwhelmed again. And then I would give up. No matter how much sense these people made, I still hid out in the overwhelmed feeling. And the result is that I avoided the project. What was that about? Well, I didn't actually have to do the work. I couldn't. I was convinced of it. The thought didn't occur to me that I was the one making up the rules, so I could darn well change them. And when someone tried to suggest that, I didn't actually sit down and change the rules. I looked at the articles and became convinced that it wasn't "do-able". And we were back to square one.
What changed? I've downloaded the software that is going to help me write the book. And I'm slowly training myself to use it. Which means that I'm learning how to use a new tool. Learning the new tool helped me to open my mind a little bit and think outside of the box I've placed myself in. Yesterday morning, as I again looked at my articles, I had a sudden realization. I really DON'T have to write a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. I can organize chapters around themes. Then I can pick and choose which articles I want to use to help explain that theme. Which is EXACTLY what my friends have been telling me all along. Will it work? I think so. And I'm very ready to sit down and start working it out. I had a Eureka! moment.
How does this relate to recovery? How many times have you been told about a tool you could use to feel better and you said "Yes, but...."? How many times have you framed an answer as someone who cares for you offered a possible solution, thus invalidating the suggestion? How many times have you avoided listening to people who have ideas because you think you know better? I can tell you, I have done those things many times. And I have 'listened' as many of you do it in my groups. What is the first attitude you have to have in order to recover? You have to have an attitude of openness. You have to be willing to listen...and willing to actually hear. I feel like I've grown in the last couple of days. Not because I'm writing a book. Because I actually opened my ears and listened. As my friend Karen said to me..."You've already written most of it already". And I finally heard that. Now, I'm ready to move forward. I would love to hear how you can relate. Tell me about your Eureka! moments and what they've helped you accomplish. When we share, we both grow. Let's talk!
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