My name is Jay, I am 42 years old and
l live in London in the United Kingdom. I was formally diagnosed with
borderline personality disorder, (which l will refer to as BPD from
here on in), back in the early summer of 2014. Even though my
condition was recognised only recently, it's something that's been
with me all my life. BPD is complex illness which can not be treated
with medication. You can learn to cope day to day with therapy, group
work and self education. I do however take various medications for
other existing mental illnesses which l won't go into
today.
Although l had heard of BPD before l was diagnosed l was unsure of its meaning. BPD defines an sufferer to have: "A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects (mood), and marked impulsivity beginning in early adulthood". Confused yet? I was!
Simply put BPD sufferers are not highly sensitive people but extremely highly sensitive people. The sense of abandonment, chronic emptiness, loneliness, recurrent suicidal behaviour, self mutilation, self damaging impulsivity and unstable intense interpersonal relationships, (just to name a few), are so keenly felt at times it becomes unbearable.
Education and talking is the key to understanding and coping with BPD so with that in mind l was referred by my psychotherapist to a five month long, two hour a week programme called S.T.E.P.P.S. (Systems, Training, Emotional, Predictability, Problem Solving). This is one of the toughest programmes and out of the thirty five that started with me in my class a predicted drop out rate is 80% is expected by the end of the five months.
As with any illness, the path to recovery is earned with hard-work and the willingness to see it through and l hope to include myself in that 20% when November comes around.
Finally l would like to conclude with a poem that encapsulates what BPD feels like and it may resonate with you too.
The little robot
I have a little robot
That goes around with me.
I tell it what I'm thinking,
I tell it what I see.
I tell my little robot
All my hopes and fears,
It listens and remembers,
All my joys and tears.
At first my little robot
Was under my command,
But after years of training,
It's gotten out of hand.
It doesn't know what's right or wrong,
Or what is false or true,
Whenever I try new things now,
It tells me what to do.
Thank you for reading and may your journey of self-discovery and recovery be a successful one.
Although l had heard of BPD before l was diagnosed l was unsure of its meaning. BPD defines an sufferer to have: "A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects (mood), and marked impulsivity beginning in early adulthood". Confused yet? I was!
Simply put BPD sufferers are not highly sensitive people but extremely highly sensitive people. The sense of abandonment, chronic emptiness, loneliness, recurrent suicidal behaviour, self mutilation, self damaging impulsivity and unstable intense interpersonal relationships, (just to name a few), are so keenly felt at times it becomes unbearable.
Education and talking is the key to understanding and coping with BPD so with that in mind l was referred by my psychotherapist to a five month long, two hour a week programme called S.T.E.P.P.S. (Systems, Training, Emotional, Predictability, Problem Solving). This is one of the toughest programmes and out of the thirty five that started with me in my class a predicted drop out rate is 80% is expected by the end of the five months.
As with any illness, the path to recovery is earned with hard-work and the willingness to see it through and l hope to include myself in that 20% when November comes around.
Finally l would like to conclude with a poem that encapsulates what BPD feels like and it may resonate with you too.
The little robot
I have a little robot
That goes around with me.
I tell it what I'm thinking,
I tell it what I see.
I tell my little robot
All my hopes and fears,
It listens and remembers,
All my joys and tears.
At first my little robot
Was under my command,
But after years of training,
It's gotten out of hand.
It doesn't know what's right or wrong,
Or what is false or true,
Whenever I try new things now,
It tells me what to do.
Thank you for reading and may your journey of self-discovery and recovery be a successful one.
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