I finally get it. I know who I am. Could I have written this blog at 20 years old? Heck NO! How about 30 years of age? 40? Nope. It took hitting 55 years and more to be able to pull it together. Guess what? I'm writing primarily for me. If it helps others....that is awesome. But it isn't necessary. I know myself. I accept myself in spite of my failings and fears. Many have disappeared. Don't think I'm beautiful? Tough....I do. Think I should be doing better? Well, I am ok with what is. And if I'm not, I can darn well work to change it. I finally love me. In spite of my problems.
The funny part of this is how my insecurities fed my mental illness. Never being 'enough' is a downer. It didn't make me sad. It made me feel hopeless. Unloveable. Useless. And totally unworthy. It took the wisdom of years to realize my time is limited. And I have a right to peace and contentment. And the most important aspect of achieving that is taking care of my depression. You can't live a fulfilled life without dealing with mental illness. I had the power. And I didn't know it.
Do you need to hit 55 to get there? I don't think so. I think all you need to know is that you deserve recovery. If you recognize that life passes quickly and YOU have the power, much can be accomplished. It might be a fight. But don't be discouraged. You can do it! How do I know that? Because I'm doing it. Miracles really do happen.
The funny part of this is how my insecurities fed my mental illness. Never being 'enough' is a downer. It didn't make me sad. It made me feel hopeless. Unloveable. Useless. And totally unworthy. It took the wisdom of years to realize my time is limited. And I have a right to peace and contentment. And the most important aspect of achieving that is taking care of my depression. You can't live a fulfilled life without dealing with mental illness. I had the power. And I didn't know it.
Do you need to hit 55 to get there? I don't think so. I think all you need to know is that you deserve recovery. If you recognize that life passes quickly and YOU have the power, much can be accomplished. It might be a fight. But don't be discouraged. You can do it! How do I know that? Because I'm doing it. Miracles really do happen.
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