Sometimes, I don't write for awhile. I'm not sure why. I just didn't feel like I had anything to say. But I do now. I am feeling like I am in a period of growth. I have had health concerns. Probably nothing huge. But they have combined to make me feel miserable. And on top of that, I have had issues at work. The atmosphere has been kind of negative there, with the small staff doing a lot of arguing. Some has involved me. Some has not. But overall, that kind of atmosphere is a trigger for my depression. Kind of like when my mentally ill Mom and Dad were fighting. Throughout my working life, I have been heavily impacted by these kinds of situations. I have fallen apart. I have run away by finding a new job. And I have become depressed. It seems to spillover into other aspects of my life. I feel sad. I feel powerless. I hide out.
Of course, I usually go to my default when I experience this kind of thing. I've fallen into old patterns recently. But not all the way in. Somewhere in my depressed brain, I get there is another way. I was just not quite sure of what it might be. Right now, I think I know what the way forward is. I have to be willing to face the issues at work without blame. I have to be willing to look into my options if things don't improve. I have to keep in mind that my goals for my working life are achievable. I can enjoy my job. In spite of the issues that are present in my workplace. All it takes is a willingness to be direct and deal with it. It also takes effort to separate myself from the issues of other people. I'm not responsible for their craziness. I don't have to solve it. As I wasn't able to with Mom and Dad. I don't have to impulsively leave my job. But I do have to be willing to stand up for myself. And all it took for me to realize that was a conversation with one friend and a kiss on the cheek with some encouragement from another. I can do this. Thanks so much Deonna and Trudee.
What does this mean for you? You are also capable of making changes in your life in new ways. Old patterns don't have to control you. Sometimes all it takes is willingness to trust that you are entitled to a good life. Not a perfect one. But happiness and peace are available. With a little work. Be kind to yourself and reach out to your support system for ideas. Then use their support to create what you desire. You CAN do this. As can I.
Of course, I usually go to my default when I experience this kind of thing. I've fallen into old patterns recently. But not all the way in. Somewhere in my depressed brain, I get there is another way. I was just not quite sure of what it might be. Right now, I think I know what the way forward is. I have to be willing to face the issues at work without blame. I have to be willing to look into my options if things don't improve. I have to keep in mind that my goals for my working life are achievable. I can enjoy my job. In spite of the issues that are present in my workplace. All it takes is a willingness to be direct and deal with it. It also takes effort to separate myself from the issues of other people. I'm not responsible for their craziness. I don't have to solve it. As I wasn't able to with Mom and Dad. I don't have to impulsively leave my job. But I do have to be willing to stand up for myself. And all it took for me to realize that was a conversation with one friend and a kiss on the cheek with some encouragement from another. I can do this. Thanks so much Deonna and Trudee.
What does this mean for you? You are also capable of making changes in your life in new ways. Old patterns don't have to control you. Sometimes all it takes is willingness to trust that you are entitled to a good life. Not a perfect one. But happiness and peace are available. With a little work. Be kind to yourself and reach out to your support system for ideas. Then use their support to create what you desire. You CAN do this. As can I.
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