As I told you in my last blog post, I moved into a new home. When I first walked into this space, I was impressed. I tend to enjoy older homes. This one is old. It's in an older and stable neighborhood. I like small spaces. This place is small and just enough for me. It has lots of pretty scenery outside and windows to look out. Sun pours into the space, making it cheerful. In short, this is an ideal place. On my first full day in my new home, I sat down in a comfortable chair and looked out at the birds and squirrels running around in the bushes outside my window. I was struck by how safe and comfortable I felt. This feeling of safety and comfort is not always present for me. The last couple of years have been difficult. Because of the instability in my life, I usually felt on edge and spent much of my emotional energy trying to defend whatever crisis was coming around the corner.
These feelings are familiar for me. Growing up with Maxine was VERY uncomfortable. I always felt on the edge and in crisis. There was no place for peace around Maxine. Her anger and behavior made for a life filled with stress. As a result, as a little girl, I learned that life is about crisis. Looking around the next corner for the next crisis was a full-time occupation. This pattern, with all the anxiety connected to it, has been present through most of my life. The times of full relaxation and peace have been few and far between. Whatever I was presenting on the outside, my inside was fearful and anxious. When I have felt a sense of peace, I am very aware of it because it is so uncommon for me.
While there is always stress in life, contentment and peace are possible. The times that you are totally at rest and feeling that all is right in your world are important to mental health. When you are looking for the next crisis or stressing about what you don't have, you are creating the kind of lifestyle that Maxine forced on her family. So, as I sat there watching the squirrels the other day, I was very aware of how important that feeling of peace was to MY continued mental health. I actually found myself crying tears of joy. And I was very aware that my feeling of peace was not predicated on being in a relationship or what I own. It was about being contented in the moment. Enjoying what nature offered. And even though I am missing furniture, recognizing that what I have is just enough. I'm not measured by what I own.
During this holiday season, give yourself the gift of peace. Look at what you have. Savor the love in your life. Don't measure yourself against other people. Just be. Feel the peace. Feel the gratitude. Make an effort to nurture yourself. You are alive today. Enjoy that fact. If you have time, share your peaceful experiences with me. I love hearing about your times of happiness.
These feelings are familiar for me. Growing up with Maxine was VERY uncomfortable. I always felt on the edge and in crisis. There was no place for peace around Maxine. Her anger and behavior made for a life filled with stress. As a result, as a little girl, I learned that life is about crisis. Looking around the next corner for the next crisis was a full-time occupation. This pattern, with all the anxiety connected to it, has been present through most of my life. The times of full relaxation and peace have been few and far between. Whatever I was presenting on the outside, my inside was fearful and anxious. When I have felt a sense of peace, I am very aware of it because it is so uncommon for me.
While there is always stress in life, contentment and peace are possible. The times that you are totally at rest and feeling that all is right in your world are important to mental health. When you are looking for the next crisis or stressing about what you don't have, you are creating the kind of lifestyle that Maxine forced on her family. So, as I sat there watching the squirrels the other day, I was very aware of how important that feeling of peace was to MY continued mental health. I actually found myself crying tears of joy. And I was very aware that my feeling of peace was not predicated on being in a relationship or what I own. It was about being contented in the moment. Enjoying what nature offered. And even though I am missing furniture, recognizing that what I have is just enough. I'm not measured by what I own.
During this holiday season, give yourself the gift of peace. Look at what you have. Savor the love in your life. Don't measure yourself against other people. Just be. Feel the peace. Feel the gratitude. Make an effort to nurture yourself. You are alive today. Enjoy that fact. If you have time, share your peaceful experiences with me. I love hearing about your times of happiness.
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