Friday, September 20, 2013

Needs vs. wants...learning to appreciate the simple things...



I have learned that there is a difference between living for what I want and living for what I need.  What I need is really pretty simple.  I need shelter.  I need food and a way to prepare it.  I need friends and family around me.   I need the ability to obtain healthcare.  I need to keep my mind and body active and healthy. I need challenges to keep me on my toes. What I don’t need, but usually want, is  possessions.  The newest technology.  Lots of money.  And maybe, power over other people.  I have always been fascinated with people who keep life simple.  There are people in this world who don’t need to live in a huge house with the newest and best.  There are people who look for jobs that are satisfying but don’t carry huge income potential.  In moving to a new state, I have been forced to look at how status and possessions don’t really have a lot of relevance at this stage of my life.  So, I am adjusting my lifestyle.  

I have been struck by how this attitude is good for my mental health.  I’m not striving.  Not in the same way that I have in the past.  I don’t need to impress people.  I need to be conscious of my needs and the best way to make sure they are met.  I find myself looking for the gifts that life offers…the cool autumn breeze and the soon to be changing colors of the leaves in the beautiful Tennessee landscape.  I find myself exploring other ways to define myself.  I’m not the job I have.  Nor am I about my money.  I am me.  I find myself relating to myself as the human being I actually am.  With my strengths and weaknesses.  And with my interests and passions.  I am one with the world around me because, after all, we share our humanity.
I have known people who live their life in wanting. We all have. They are focused on the bank account.  Or the size of the house.  Or on what their status is in society.  For many of those people, what they don’t have becomes a contributing factor to anxiety or depression. They are so busy hoping for the next relationship, or the next job, or the more beautiful house/car, that they are unable to enjoy what is right in front of them.  For years, I carried a lot of shame about what I wasn’t.   I didn’t make a lot of money.  I was a single parent with all the difficulty that fact carries.  My cars weren’t the newest or the best.  And I didn’t own my own house.

I was always focused on who and what I wasn’t.  Some of my friends contributed to that.  Like the close friend who told me that others would only be attracted to me because my life was a crisis.  She told me that people would be attracted to me because I was ‘on the edge’ and they could see their lives in a more positive light because of what I wasn’t.  I think that she thought that because that is what I thought.  I saw myself as ‘less than’.  When that friend told me that, I cut off the friendship because I didn’t want to hear that rather shaming opinion.  It has taken me longer to recognize that she said what I thought.  In recent years, I have realized that I have the choice to change how I view myself.  I am Judy.  I am a pretty nice woman with lots of love to offer.  If you are interested in getting to know me…with all my positives and negatives, I certainly want to know you.  Not what you have.  Not what you have accomplished in life that is better than what I have accomplished.  Just you and who you are at the core.  Maybe we can enjoy a sunset together and appreciate what the world has to offer.
 

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