You Never Know.......

I’ve talked about my naïve belief that I am the only one to have mental health difficulties before.  When I was a child, I really did believe that we were the only family in the world to deal with mental illness.  Since I am now an adult, I have come to the realization that I’m not unique.   But sometimes that old mind-set rears its head, and I find myself remembering all over again. There are many individuals and families that deal with mental illness in some form or the other.  And there is a wide-range of severity.  Some people live very successful lives and are impacted minimally.  And others are debilitated, finding a heavy impact in almost every area of life.  Periodically, I am reminded that I don’t always know what someone is dealing with until they tell me.  Since I am open with people about MY struggles, they frequently open up to me.  I have a new friend.  She is a wonderful person.  I have spoken to her about my issues many times.  She has been totally supportive.  As a matter of fact, she has been amazingly supportive.  When I was dealing with the very real impact of not having my medication, I relied on her support considerably.  Her kindness was inspirational.  She certainly didn’t enable me.  She just encouraged me to be the best I can be and to do what is necessary to take care of myself.  She is young, and so I was very touched by her wisdom.

I was honored when she took a risk and confided her experience to me.  Apparently, she has an anxiety disorder that sometimes makes her life difficult.  She is medicated.  And while there are many people willing to share difficulties with mental health (like me), there are others who are not particularly willing to share.  So, when she took a risk and told me, I felt very trusted.  Again, I was struck by some thoughts as she shared what has gone on for her:

•    There are MANY people who have challenges that result from some type of mental illness.  You won’t know who has lived through a mental illness unless they share it with you. Many times people look ‘normal’ on the outside.

•    Even what seems like a milder form of mental illness can have a huge impact on the way you live your life and your ability to function.  So, don’t presume to judge about what someone is dealing with.  You really can’t stand in someone’s shoes.  Different people are impacted in different ways.  However, you can empathize with someone using your own experiences.  Remember how you have been impacted.  And you can recognize that there are some commonalities in terms of impact that you can use to understand what someone is experiencing.  Even if you have never experienced mental illness, you can empathize with the fact that someone is telling you they have a disease.  Illness always takes a toll on people.

In short, talking with my friend reminds me of the importance of compassion.  It also reminds me that I am not alone.  The numbers of people dealing with a mental illness in any given year convinces me of that.  It could be anybody.  I have to admit that I thought of this person as totally healthy and together.  I was a bit surprised to hear that she struggles.  I shouldn’t have been. To be human means we struggle.  It shouldn’t be something shameful.  It also shouldn’t have been a surprise to me.