Talking with a mentally ill loved one...

Since so many in our population deal with mental illness, many family members and friends have the experience of talking to them about mental illness.  Of course, we have talked about this topic before.  But I read an article that I think should be required reading for any loved one of a mentally ill person.  Here is the link to the article:  http://bit.ly/14Rjx8t  Written by a medical professional, this is truly a wonderful summary of the hurtful things people say to people dealing with mental illness.  From my personal perspective, I'm going to add a few thoughts here.  

First of all, if someone could change the anxiety or depression they are feeling, don’t you think they would?  I can’t tell you the number of times that I have been told to just change it.  I can’t.  I know what the logical thoughts are.  I hear you when you tell me why what I fear is not logical.  But I can’t change the feeling of panic when I am anxious.  Nor can I change the feeling of depression.  I have heard from others who have dealt with these negative conversations with family.  It is horrible when you feel your loved ones judgment.  Be aware of how you talk to someone in the midst of depression and/or anxiety. It really can impact the future of your relationship.

I can tell you that I truly believe in the biochemical nature of these problems.  It is obvious to me because what truly helps me is having sufficient anti-depressant in my system to deal with it.  I know that I deal with anxiety far less when I have medication.  I deal with mood swings more infrequently when I am taking my medication.  I remember being told that if my issue wasn’t truly biochemical depression, I wouldn’t see much difference on medication.  I ALWAYS see a difference.   While I still struggle sometimes, I am in better shape.   

I'm an intelligent person. I GET that my anxiety and depression aren’t what is real.  But I can’t deal with the feelings unless I have medication.  Your reminders that my depression is lying to me are truly helpful.  But it may not solve it because something prevents me from processing what you are saying if I'm not medicated.  Depression and anxiety are not logical.  I have the logic.  I have talked to other people using the logic that you are sharing with me.  But my own biochemical issue makes it difficult for me to truly recognize it when I'm in the middle of that panic.

If it helps, remind yourself that your loved one is in the control of biochemistry.  I can tell you honestly…IT IS NOT CHOICE.  For those of you in a relationship with a mentally ill person, please read the article.  And think about how you communicate with your loved one.  You can be a support for recovery.  Or you can be another person out there who increases the shame that the mentally ill feel about their condition.  It is truly your choice.