One day at
a time? Sometimes my life is one moment at a time. Being a ‘worrier’ doesn’t
make life very easy. It makes situations
that are problematic even more difficult because in my mind I go to the
worst case scenario. When people tell me
to calm down, I don’t even comprehend.
Of course I am worried. Don’t you
know this is catastrophic? Dealing with
issues becomes more than challenging.
When I am in the throes of anxiety, I am unable to cope. I don’t think clearly. I pace. I have difficulty sleeping. I am
totally overwhelmed. And the suicidal
thoughts are never far from the forefront of my mind. This is even truer when things are unsettled
in my life. Of course, some people are
just naturally worriers. I think that is part of being human. But when it goes to the thoughts of suicide,
it becomes a more serious issue. And
leads to the recognition of the fact that I am dealing with depression and
anxiety on top of it. Those are the
times that I want to go to bed and never come out. When I am heading into those
kinds of situations, medication is critical.
That boost from the medication makes it ‘deal-able’. Finally, it makes it possible for me to feel
safe enough to use the other tools that I know work.
Of course,
when people don’t understand the biochemical nature of mental illness, this
looks very strange. I have had people in my life who are not all that patient
with my angst and panic. There are truly some people that I keep at arms length
because they don’t ‘get it’. The ones
that actually stay in my life are those that have the patience to find out what
depression and anxiety disorders are about.
One partner went and talked to a psychologist friend because he truly
didn’t understand my reaction. At first,
I was a little insulted by that. But I
quickly realized that it was actually evidence that this person cared for me. Wanting
to ‘get it’ is a good sign. As I have
said before, being in partnership with someone living with mental illness isn’t
always easy. If I didn’t ‘get it’, I would
probably be driven crazy by my behavior.
All of this
just points to the fact that dealing with mental illness is something that requires effort
on the part of the person suffering with the disease. And on the part of people who love them. Interestingly
enough, my daughter has been someone very willing to put in that work. As someone who has watched me over a long
period of time, she is a believer that my ‘weaknesses’ have much to do with
illness. I don’t feel her judgment. She ‘gets it’. That may have something to do with the fact
that she saw her Grandmother and how she suffered. And as a single-parent family, we had more
consistent contact with each other as she was growing up than anyone else had
with me. Additionally, as I have said
previously, J. has her own experience with the ‘family disease’ as far as
anxiety goes. Finally, both of us are
aware of my biological Grandmother and her history of mental illness, so we are
pretty accepting of the probability that it is a genetic issue.
Here is
what the people who love me can do when I get in this space:
- They can encourage me to make sure I am using my medication appropriately.
- They can remind me to continue looking at options and to problem-solve.
- They can encourage me to talk about the options that I am considering and give me feedback.
- They can give me other ideas.
- They can remind me to use the tools.
- They can suggest using another safe support person or another part of the system (therapist, doctor, etc.) to process what is going on.
- They can simply love me. Love does a whole lot to help me get through life on life’s terms.
So, does
support work? YES! It is truly needed. At least for me. What about for you? Do you have a support system in place? Does it help you? Look forward to chatting…
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