As I watched ‘Morning Joe’ this morning, I was treated to a
wonderful discussion about grace and recovery. Jim McGreevey, who resigned from the New Jersey governorship in 2004
because he is gay, is currently the subject of an HBO documentary because of
work he is doing in jail with women. Here
is an article that briefly explains this work:
http://bit.ly/10cnoZo Given
the fact that in 2004, the Governor resigned due to the ‘scandal’ surrounding
his sexual orientation and adultery, it is my opinion that he has had to explore the topic
in his own life. He was a married man at
the time of this scandal. He was married to a woman at the time that he had an affair with a man. He broke apart
his family. He chose to resign from his very
public job. He started over after coming
out of the closet. In a situation such
as that, he had to start over. He had to
work on healing relationships. He had to
be accountable and deal with the areas that hurt other people. So, Jim McGreevey learned about starting over
from personal experience.
When I recently sought help for my mental illness, I met a
gentleman I will call Sam. His story was
pretty typical for people I have known and dealt with in the course of my
work. He was alcoholic and had been
living on the street for many years. He
acknowledged that he had been in jail, and was still dealing with legal
consequences. He had been in treatment
previously. Sam was interesting to talk
to because he did recognize that his choices were keeping him in this
position. He had enough insight to
realize that he would need to make changes in his thinking patterns and
behavior in order to improve his situation. But, in spite of his recognition that he needed to make changes, he had
not been able to do so up to the time of his most recent treatment
experience. He was showing some
willingness to enter a longer term treatment program, but I could also hear
some of the issues that contributed to his continued illness. He was worried more about getting money then
actually entering the treatment program. And when I asked him whether having money in his pocket might lead to
relapse, he seemed surprised that I would say that. But he acknowledged that it was true. What
was missing for him? Probably recognition
of his need to go to any length to recover. In my opinion, that willingness is the core characteristic of someone
really entering recovery. For his sake,
I hope that this is the time that he finally takes his recovery seriously and
makes it a priority. I am not sure he
will.
When Jim McGreevey made changes in his life, it appears he
recognized the need to make healing a priority. While I don’t know how he healed his relationships with his family, I do
know that he has dedicated himself to helping other people make changes in
their lives. With the recognition that
spirituality is part of that process, he seems to be more at peace with
himself. He created a new life for
himself. And reminded me about the role
that forgiveness and spirituality play in our ability to actually make
changes. I don’t want you to mistake
spirituality for religion. I just want
you to recognize that you have to see that there is help for you while you are
making changes through a power higher than yourself. That may mean a support system, a therapist,
or God. I can’t define that for anybody
else. But I have to tell you, the
reminder was good for me. I recognized
that Sam and I are both worthwhile. I
realized that all I have to do to actually make changes is reach out and ask
for help. I have to be willing to grant
and ask for forgiveness. I have to be
willing to go to any length to make the changes. Finally, I have to be willing to rely on a
higher power. For me, that is what
defines grace. It is also what will lead
to my success in making changes. What is your definition of grace? How do you approach making changes? Looking forward to chatting...
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