So, this is a pretty good little article. Written by someone paid to talk for a living. It is written by a radio personality. Someone coming out of the closet about living with mental illness. Here is his story: http://bit.ly/YgpODw I was struck by a theme that continues to move me as I read the stories of the mentally ill. The theme that always seems to move me. It is the fact that shame is such a universal reaction to the diagnosis of a mental illness. And of course, that brings my thoughts back to the stigma. That is where the shame comes from. So, what else struck me in this article? I can certainly relate to how he describes his experience living with depression. For him, it was something that has always been there. It was a feeling that he didn’t even recognize as being problematic because he was so used to it. It was his normal. I can certainly relate.
When feeling depressed is your norm, it doesn’t occur to you that it isn’t the norm for everybody else. It took some time for me to notice that other people seemed to find it easier to cope. I took my normal feeling of panic and my “blues” as a simple reality of life. And once it occurred to me that maybe it wasn’t normal, I still worried. Because I was also concerned that people would see me as ‘crazy’ and somehow less than. I wonder if there are people out there reading this and nodding their heads. I suspect that many of you can relate. Many of you judge yourself as somehow bad or wrong because you have a diagnosis. Which makes it hard to recognize that you are not your diagnosis. It feels like that is all you are.
As I read the story of this radio personality, I was brought back to the process that helped me to come to some acceptance that I have an illness, and I am not my illness. All the learning. All the self-examination. All the therapy. I have gratitude that I went into social services as a professional. I learned from my clients. I saw them as individuals. I still do. Their stories are part of my heart. I took them in. That is a significant piece of the learning that I have accomplished.
This man apparently learned also. I sense that he still has some embarrassment over admitting his diagnosis. Just like I do. It gets easier. It never is totally easy. Why do you think that is? I know that mental illness isn’t a weakness, and yet I still struggle with judging myself. Whatever the reason for that shame, I also know what the key to my ability to cope with the shame is. And that is the “listening and understanding” I get from the outside world. When I know my audience judges, so do I. Your reaction influences how I react. I know that shouldn’t be. But it is. So, keep that in mind when you are talking about mental illness with someone who is suffering. If you are accepting, you can influence the ability of someone with the illness to accept their own diagnosis. And to seek help. If you are aware of the power of your words, maybe you will be more careful of what words you use. Here are the most important guidelines in my opinion:
1. Avoid lectures.
2. Examine the words you use. Are they judgemental?
3. Don’t use faith as a weapon. People with depression frequently believe in God. Depression isn’t about a lack of faith. It is a biochemical illness.
4. Don’t discount my experience. If I have a diagnosis of depression, it doesn’t necessarily indicate weakness. Or character defects.
What I am asking for is basic respect. Something that everybody is entitled to. I am relatively sure that most people suffering from mental illness would ask for the same thing. What do you think?
When feeling depressed is your norm, it doesn’t occur to you that it isn’t the norm for everybody else. It took some time for me to notice that other people seemed to find it easier to cope. I took my normal feeling of panic and my “blues” as a simple reality of life. And once it occurred to me that maybe it wasn’t normal, I still worried. Because I was also concerned that people would see me as ‘crazy’ and somehow less than. I wonder if there are people out there reading this and nodding their heads. I suspect that many of you can relate. Many of you judge yourself as somehow bad or wrong because you have a diagnosis. Which makes it hard to recognize that you are not your diagnosis. It feels like that is all you are.
As I read the story of this radio personality, I was brought back to the process that helped me to come to some acceptance that I have an illness, and I am not my illness. All the learning. All the self-examination. All the therapy. I have gratitude that I went into social services as a professional. I learned from my clients. I saw them as individuals. I still do. Their stories are part of my heart. I took them in. That is a significant piece of the learning that I have accomplished.
This man apparently learned also. I sense that he still has some embarrassment over admitting his diagnosis. Just like I do. It gets easier. It never is totally easy. Why do you think that is? I know that mental illness isn’t a weakness, and yet I still struggle with judging myself. Whatever the reason for that shame, I also know what the key to my ability to cope with the shame is. And that is the “listening and understanding” I get from the outside world. When I know my audience judges, so do I. Your reaction influences how I react. I know that shouldn’t be. But it is. So, keep that in mind when you are talking about mental illness with someone who is suffering. If you are accepting, you can influence the ability of someone with the illness to accept their own diagnosis. And to seek help. If you are aware of the power of your words, maybe you will be more careful of what words you use. Here are the most important guidelines in my opinion:
1. Avoid lectures.
2. Examine the words you use. Are they judgemental?
3. Don’t use faith as a weapon. People with depression frequently believe in God. Depression isn’t about a lack of faith. It is a biochemical illness.
4. Don’t discount my experience. If I have a diagnosis of depression, it doesn’t necessarily indicate weakness. Or character defects.
What I am asking for is basic respect. Something that everybody is entitled to. I am relatively sure that most people suffering from mental illness would ask for the same thing. What do you think?
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