In this article, I am writing about some thoughts expressed
in a letter by Stephen Fry. Stephen Fry
is an actor, activist, and just plain excellent person. And apparently, he has experience with
depression. He wrote this letter to a
young woman who was also suffering through a bout with depression. Her name is Chrystal Nunn. And thankfully, Chrystal shared this letter
with us in an article on a blog called Letters of Note. Here is the link to the original letter: http://bit.ly/SruASL
In this letter, Stephen is clear that depression is not
something one should see as permanent.
He says in the first sentence: “ I’m so sorry life is getting you down at the
moment”. And he acknowledges that
hearing that people love you is not exactly easy to hear at the moment that you
are struggling with the thought that you don’t even like yourself very
much. Then he talks about how one’s
moods are like the weather. They are
there. They are real. You can’t change them by wishing them
away. It isn’t under your control. Or at least with depression, the control is limited. (“If
it’s dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can’t alter it.”) But
then he is equally clear that even if it is raining right now, it will be sunny
one day. As he says, depression and
anxiety are real. Just like the
weather. But the weather does eventually
change. And so will your mood. In other words, this too shall pass. And it shall.
Some will argue with the notion that mood isn’t under your
control. They feel that reminders about
gratitude and how other people are worse off should make you feel better. Sometimes that works. And sometimes it doesn’t. Depression just is. Stephen is right. He knows that judging oneself for feeling
badly won’t help. Sometimes life feels
overwhelming and hopeless. Recognizing the feeling without judging oneself
while waiting it out might be the best approach. Eventually, your mood will change. And the sun will come out. Fighting ‘the storm’ by taking on guilt won’t
help it come any faster.
So, here is what I was reminded of by reading this letter
from Stephen Fry:
- Judging myself for feeling depressed is not likely to make me feel less depressed.
- While life feels overwhelming and hopeless sometimes, there are periods when the sun comes out.
I would also like to say that for me, depression is a
regular part of life. As I have said
before, it isn’t always connected to a situation. I am that person waiting for things to get
bad. Even if things are going well, I
have to keep working to be positive. I don’t
trust that things will stay better. I
keep looking around every corner for the ‘inevitable’ crash. For something to go wrong. For life to be ‘horrible’ again. Now, I admit
that I have learned a little in recovery, so this isn’t as much the case as it
used to be. You can train yourself to be
more positive. You can work on your
mind-set. And it makes a difference. When I push myself to think positively, I
feel more positive. And because I have
pushed myself for a long time, it has gotten easier. It has also gotten easier to recognize the
sunny days as I have practiced positive thinking. I see the positive in life and I am grateful
for it. For the love from friends. For my sweet and loving daughter. For the everyday gifts…like a pleasant warm
day and a gentle wind. It makes life
worth living. Having tools to deal with
depression makes it worth the effort and
work it takes to use them. I hope that you will choose to do so
today. Let me know if I can support your
efforts to do so.
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