So, I have told you before, there are a lot of things that I
don’t remember from my time growing up.
I have blocked the details. Or
maybe it has just been a lot of years, and I simply don’t remember. But it is always helpful for me when people
reach out and tell me about what they remember about what occurred. I am not living in the past, but it does help
me with context. Which leads to further
healing. Not sure why that is. It just helps. Another friend from childhood reached out
this week. I think that was the result
of the blog, so again…this can be considered another gift from my efforts to
write. I am aware of some of the people
who used to tease me. And I am somewhat
aware of names that don’t seem to be connected to that. And I have used the problems with some of my
school mates to justify lack of trust in relationships to this day. So, information about the “what happened” is
kind of important to me. For the purpose
of healing. Not for the purpose of
punishing. And I would let in ANYONE
from those times at this point. Just
because I am committed to peace for the remainder of my time on earth. I am not fighting old battles.
The friend that reached out WAS a friend. Not someone who teased me. As she reminded me in her note. She did fill in some details for me. One thing she told me is that she did come
out to my house to play with me. And
have lunch. This means that there was
one point in time when things were ‘normal’.
When I had a childhood. And she
remembers this happening in 4th or 5th grade. So, maybe things hadn’t totally deteriorated
by that point? That was a lovely
thought. I know that my Mom was really a
nice woman in many ways. She enjoyed my
friends and wanted me to have them over. Before it got really bad. When
she was relatively healthy. (I have other verifications that my Mom was deteriorating by the time that I was in 3rd grade.) C. told me that we had
grilled cheese, which I still love. And
she told me that we did cartwheels in my backyard. This was one of my favorite places on earth
as a child. And so, this note was a
picture into the more pleasant side of my growing up years. And it was very welcome.
The fact that I can see this as a gift, as a positive thing,
is amazing. And indicates how much I
have changed. In years past, I would
have ignored the communication. I really
believe that. Or if I had answered, I
would have wondered about the agenda.
Why is she contacting me? Now, I
take it as a matter of course. And I see
the healing that is available to me with the contact. And I enjoyed the picture that she helped me
create. I am looking for peace in life
and I am living into that vision. So, it told me a lot about how I have grown.
What does it say generally about healing and mental
health? It says that if you are still
fighting battles from your past, you are stuck.
I have learned that over and over through therapy and Landmark. I have learned it through how I felt when I
was still fighting those battles. And I
have learned it while watching other people who are still fighting
battles. I am amazed at the impact of
forgiveness on mental health. If you are
stuck in the pain of your past, true healing is impossible. For real.
Now, I need to add on to that opinion. I often
wonder how I would respond if something were to happen to a loved one,
say my daughter, if someone injured her in some way. I am still a Mama Tiger. I am protective of my child. And forgiveness doesn’t come easily
sometimes. It takes time. And it takes courage. I have watched people deal with a lifetime of
pain. I have a distant cousin whose
immediate family was wiped out in the holocaust. She was considerably older than I am. She was in Dachau. So, I can tell you that on one level or
another, her entire life has been influenced by that experience. She never married. She had an issue with depression and (later
in life) with substance abuse. And I get
that. The enormity of the losses that
she experienced during her formative years is not something that I can even
comprehend. My interactions with her
have been sporadic. So, I don’t know if
she ever got a handle on that. But when
I think about the topic of forgiveness, she comes to mind. So, I am truly not minimizing the effort that
finding peace and forgiveness take. I am
just able to tell you that I am grateful I am
there today. Totally grateful.
I am very aware of
how that forgiveness has helped me feel healthier. And happier.
So, I am asking you to look at where you stand. Are you still fighting those old
battles? Are you caught up in pain from
20 or 30 years ago? Or more? If so, working on coming to terms with the
past can help your mental health. I
support you in looking at that issue for yourself today. And, as always, I invite you to let me know
about your progress…or lack of progress. I really do care.
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