Why you should be open with your children....

As I have said before, shining the light of day on a topic can be very healing.  And I was lucky enough to be reminded of that fact by my daughter the other day.  My daughter, J., is the reason for this blog.  She has some experience with an anxiety disorder, which can be seen as somewhat debilitating.  It has impacted her socially.  It has probably impacted her career path.  I believe I can safely say that her life has been changed by this disorder.  However, because of the openness in my house as she was growing up, J. thinks that she wasn’t as harmed as she might have been when she had to deal with this issue.  She tells me that my openness with her provided her with the education and emotional back-up she needed to do what she needed to do.  Life with medication has been considerably better for her.  And she is fine with that fact.  Because of my openness, she is not ashamed of her diagnosis.  And she accepts the fact that she needs medicine as a part of her life.  And she follows up with it as a result. While J. is like many of us in some respects…her acceptance of her mental illness is wonderful.  She cares for herself like any person dealing with a physical illness should do.

She contrasted this in conversation with me the other day by describing the experience of a friend.  This friend became very depressed over the last couple of years.  Basically, she suffers from a serious case of clinical depression.  For a significant period of time, this young woman didn’t understand what was going on.  Like most of us struggling with depression, she dealt with the shame…the embarrassment…as well as the debilitating nature of her symptoms.  While this young woman was growing up, there was no discussion about depression or any other mental illness.  When her depression struck, she had only the knowledge that most people have, which is filled with judgment and inaccurate information.  When she finally got help, she also got an education on family history.  This included the fact that her family has had a history of suffering with depression.  And the child didn’t know that.  How much guilt could have been avoided with a little bit of openness about family history?

How many of you have grown up in the secrecy that this young woman experienced?  Did you talk about what was going on with relatives dealing with the pain of depression or other forms of mental illness?  Or did you pretend it wasn’t there?  Is there openness in your family today?  Or do you continue to believe that things should be hidden?  I challenge you to take a risk today.  Talk to your children.  Be open and honest.  And perhaps you will see the results of that honesty when they are grown and know how to handle mental illness, which is a health issue at the core.