As I have written this blog, I have been given very
well-intentioned feedback about how writing about this topic could destroy my
career. And I agree with the
feedback. It could. Because of the stigma connected with mental
illness. This, in my opinion, is a very
real thing. This stigma has controlled a
significant part of my life. But why is
there a stigma? People can be mentally
ill and still be good people. I know
that. My Mom was a good person. So were my clients. Even if their behavior was sometimes hard to
handle. So what is the stigma
about? If you think about it, the stigma
is evidence of our discomfort with anything different. We are attracted to homogeneity. We tend to dress alike. We want to hang out with people of our “kind”,
whether that is related to religion, ethnic background or age-group. How often do you see an 18 year-old
voluntarily hanging out with a 40 year-old friend? We are even uncomfortable with people who
dress differently. What do you think
when you see a young person with pants hanging down? Or purple hair? Or even someone with multiple piercings and
tattoos? How about an older adult with
a suit on, for a younger person? If you
are honest with yourself, you will tell me that you are uncomfortable. It is almost normal. And sometimes mental illness can make people
“look” different. Some of my clients
were not very clean. Some were socially
appropriate regarding cleanliness, but still seemed different in
mannerism. Sometimes they looked normal,
but their behavior set them apart. And
of course, we tend to want to label people for their differences. If someone is talking to themselves as they
walk down the street, or is dancing to a beat that they are the only one able to
hear…we will walk across the street to avoid them. I think that is understandable. Somewhat.
Maybe.
But when we allow those natural differences to poison our
relationships with other human beings, I see it as very dysfunctional. We do it when we scapegoat people for being
different. Maybe, we don’t allow the
Jews or the Muslims into the country club.
Or we outlaw kids wearing baggy pants.
Or we make it illegal for the mentally ill homeless to congregate in our
parks. We take our natural discomfort
with what is different and we justify it through law. Or through our actions. Remember Jim Crow laws? They were an attempt
to legalize our belief that people of color were not “normal” or just like us. And how about laws that discriminate against
LBGT people? Again, we take our belief
about a behavior that we can’t relate to and make the behavior illegal. We punish those who are different.
One of the themes that you will see throughout my blog is
that I have always felt different. I am
nothing if not a sponge for what goes on around me. And as I watched the reactions to my Mom, I
got it. She was different. And as her daughter, I am different also.
That became a belief by which I operate.
Landmark would call it a racket.
Which I use as an excuse for a variety of behaviors that separate me
from the rest of the human race. Do you
do this too? If you are mentally ill, or
have a family member that is mentally ill, do you separate yourself from other
people for that reason? Do you
hide? Or are you able to come out?
This blog is almost my coming out party. I am telling you that the mentally ill are
here. They are us. They are me. And my neighbor. And my friend. And you. And your loved one. I love all of us anyway. So,
here I am. If you don’t want to hire me,
don’t. If you don’t want to be my
friend, don’t. I choose to love myself
anyway. I am not defined by my
diabetes. And I am not defined by mental
illness either. I exist for those who
can see past that part of me. Those are
the people really capable of loving unconditionally. Those are the people that will be able to hear
me. I certainly hope that YOU can take that on for yourself. Being who you are is not cause to judge. You are a child of God. And that is good.
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