Dear Little Judy.....

Dear Little Judy;

I am sitting here thinking about you.  I know that things are kind of rough right now.  Your Mom seems so different.  She is unhappy and angry.  And she isn’t behaving like she normally does.  I know that scares you.  I would like you to understand that you can’t change this.  And it isn’t your fault.  Your Mom has an illness.  And because of this illness, she can’t control what she is doing and saying.  But the important thing to remember is that it isn’t your fault.  Or B’s fault.  Or your Dad’s fault.  It isn’t really even your Mom’s fault.  She truly doesn’t mean it. Now, I know that won’t make it all better.  She is still embarrassing.  And it certainly scares you, and makes you angry, when she is mean to you or your sister.  And, of course, it makes you very angry when she calls your Dad names.  This sickness that your Mom has makes your life difficult sometimes.  So, here is what I have to say to you about how you will need to take care of yourself. (And maybe your sister and Dad). First of all, remember you are loved.  I love you.  I love your sister.  And I love your Dad.  And of course, B. and your Dad love you.  And believe it or not, your Mom loves you. She just has this sickness, which makes her the way she is.  I need for you to know that you are not bad or ugly.  I know I keep telling you that it isn’t your fault.  That’s because I know what you are saying to yourself.  You didn’t DO anything to cause this.  And, honey, there isn’t anything you can do to change it.  That is something that the grown-ups are in charge of.  And I don’t think they know what to do about it.

The most important thing you can do to take care of yourself is to talk about what you are feeling.  Find someone you trust.  Maybe Miss Holzworth?  Or a friend.  And tell them what you are feeling.  They might not be able to solve it, but they will care for you and be concerned about it. If you can’t find someone to talk to, I want you to get a notebook and write down the feelings.  Sometimes it helps to express them. Writing “I’m mad” may not make it go away.  But it helps to make it easier to have the feeling.  Along with that, don’t feel bad if they assign you to a counselor at school.  You aren’t bad (or stupid) if they do that.  A counselor just gives you a chance to talk things out.  Take a risk.  It is OK to talk about what’s going on at home.  You aren’t being disloyal to Mom and Dad.  I promise that someday you will understand all about your Mom and her illness. In the meantime, remember….you are loved.

Love,

Judy