Sunday, August 26, 2012

How Did I Get Here?...


Mental illness is a difficult topic.  We all have opinions about what it is, what it isn't and how it should be treated.  I have a more personal connection to the topic.  My Mom was named Maxine. And Maxine was severely and chronically mentally ill.  It wasn’t a mild case of mental illness. When I grew up in a suburb in the 1960's, the topic wasn't discussed.  And there were few solutions for treatment.  My Mom wasn't even functional for most of my early life. She stopped taking baths when I was about 8 years old.  She was angry and abusive.While she was not formally diagnosed by a doctor, it was pretty obvious that she was sick. And at that time, no one seemed to know what to do about it.

As I grew up, I dealt with the fallout from my Mom’s behavior.  On a daily basis, her illness created an uncomfortable atmosphere to grow up in.  Her illness became my reality.  As I became an adult, it was a struggle to understand the disease, the impact on our family, and how I was affected personally.  In some ways, it has been a life-long effort to recover.   I am sharing this struggle with you so that you can share your stories with me and other people.  Talking about mental illness openly is an important first step to getting a handle on it.  We can’t work through the problems until we talk about them.

As an adult, I spent time working as a case manager/counselor.  I worked with the mentally ill, with those suffering with HIV/AIDS, alcoholics and addicts, in geriatric psychiatry, and with men who battered women.  I chose my profession, at least on some level, because of my background with my Mother.  You will also read about some of those experiences.  I have also struggled with my own depression. And you will read about my experiences.

On a personal level, I consider this work to be in honor of my Mom.  She suffered with mental illness for years.  And because of that, her relationships with her family were not the best.  There was anger.  There was misunderstanding. There was stress. Ultimately, she didn’t connect with us in a way that was loving and nurturing. But underneath it all, she was a loving woman.  She probably didn’t totally understand what the problem was.  As I have gotten older, I have come to appreciate her struggle.  And how Maxine contributed to my life. This is my opportunity to let her know exactly how I feel about her.  And in sharing this, maybe I can contribute to your growth as you learn about your relationship with a mentally ill family member.  Or if you are mentally ill yourself, you may begin to understand the dynamics of your relationship with your family. I promise, you will be able to relate.

If you are reading this as a person who has no experience with mental illness, I hope you see this as an exercise in learning something about mental illness.  There is a stigma attached to mental illness. I think it is valuable to explore that as you read about my family and my experiences.  How do you respond when you are faced with a mentally ill person?  What do you think about mentally ill people?  What do you think about treatment for mental illness?  Please feel free to take this opportunity to look at your understanding of the topic.  And explore some new ideas. I am grateful that you are here.

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