Denial isn't just one thing and how faking it can lead to recovery..........

Denial can be many things. From outright denial that a problem exists to the minizimation of severity. It can also be the conviction that nothing is going to work to help you recover. And finally, denial can be the belief that your choices and attitudes have no impact on your potential for recovery. Denial is frequently part of mental illness. Maxine never admitted she had a problem. In spite of the severity of her illness, she would erupt in anger and abusive curses anytime it was suggested that she might be sick. In my case, even though I knew about medication and other tools, I was pretty much convinced I wasn't capable of feeling better.  I thought depression was just the way it was, and I was powerless to make changes.

We may put a unique spin on our mental illnesses, but we have much in common. Our denial seems to follow similar patterns. We are not really all that unique. What brought this to mind? A reader suggested that it might not be easy to be willing if you think you are powerless to solve the problem. My thought was, that is true. And it is true for most of us. The belief that we are unable to change the course of our depression is common to those dealing with depression. Few if us go into treatment believing that things can change and our attitudes can influence the probability of success. But we do go into treatment. We learn to use tools. We may take medicine. We increase our understanding of our dysfunctional thought patterns. And, hopefully, we start noticing small changes. Which lead to bigger changes. And then we are dealing with our illness. Instead of letting our illness control our lives.

What I'm saying is that denial is part of the illness.  And to challenge it, we may have to act 'as if' in order to jump start the process. I remember clearly that internally I was convinced I was worthless and would probably not find a job if I moved to Tennessee. My depression and denial were in control. My support system told me I could do it. So when I got to Tennessee, I acted 'as if' and got a job. I was willing to put in the effort despite my belief that I was destined for unemployment and homelessness. Willingness involves taking a leap of faith. Putting trust in the possibility that someone is seeing more clearly than you are. And willingness involves putting one foot in front of the other even when you think you will fall flat on your face.

For my friend....faking it until you make it is an important recovery skill. And it is something that can be learned. When counselors/therapists tell you that you are in control, that may be what they are talking about. Without the willingness to begin that process, it can and will get worse.

What can you relate to in this discussion?  Let's talk!  Sending much love........

Being Willing..........

One of the first things I learned as a young woman working in treatment centers was the role that willingness plays in recovery. I was working with alcoholics and addicts. So, I saw how denial and lack of willingness contributed to relapse. The people most unwilling would frequently leave treatment AMA (against medical advice). As far as I could see, leaving in that way was pretty much a guarantee of relapse. How did I come to think about this? I know a woman who works in the criminal justice system. She is in a position of authority. And in our brief conversations about mental illness and addiction, I can tell that she is a thoughtful and caring human being. We need human beings like her dealing with mentally ill and addicted individuals in our criminal justice system.

Today, we talked a bit about how you almost can't tell which came first...the mental illness or the addiction. We also briefly talked about how sometimes people would be given a chance at treatment and couldn't make it through the treatment as it was ordered. One would think that the opportunity to deal with potential legal consequences and the pain related to addiction/mental illness would be quite an incentive. But, unfortunately, the illness is too strong for some people. They can't move past denial into willingness.

As my friend said: "They really have to want it." And that is the case.  I was stuck in Orlando dealing with serious depression and physical issues, so when I got the opportunity to get help, I dug in.  I cooperated.  I took advice. And the payoff was....I'm in Tennessee with my family.  I'm working. And I have had a long sustained period that I would consider recovery. How did I get there? By being willing to do the work. By taking my opportunity for treatment seriously. By challenging my own dysfunctional thinking patterns. By being willing to sit in the pain for awhile. By following up. I could only do it because I was....willing.

Have you had times when you allowed denial and lack of willingness to influence your access to recovery?  I think we all have.  How did you move past that? Or are you still struggling with it? Let's talk! In honest sharing comes healing. Sending much love......

Access and an unexpected step in the right direction....

Before I tell you about this, I have to give you a little background. I work for a retail store. Up to now, I haven't been specific about which one.  I saw no need. Now I have a reason to tell you. My story is about an innovation that my company is implementing. And I'm very proud.  I work for Walgreens. I really have enjoyed working for this company. As I've said before, I love having a job with lots of public contact. Retail was a really good option for a job leading me into my retirement years. Walgreens has been a pleasant place for me to work.  I hope to continue working for this company for a long time. It really is the kind of job that helps me stay mentally healthy.  This is truly an example of finding the job I need at the right time. I would also like to add that Walgreens has been very supportive of my activism in the area of mental health. I've been grateful for that.

Imagine my surprise when I ran across information about what my company is doing to increase access to mental health services.  Walgreens is adding a mental health component to their online services. The mental health component is a platform that provides a free assessment tool for many mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. In addition, Walgreens will provide follow-up in the form of referrals to local mental health practitioners. In some places, Walgreens pharmacists will provide screenings and 24/7 secure chat services to ask about issues with medication.

As I've frequently discussed, the best way to increase the likelihood that people will get help is to provide easy access to mental health care. What could be easier than an online assessment with follow-up?  It is important to know where Walgreens finds the expertise to provide the assessments. And the answer is that they are collaborating with a mental health expert (Breakthrough Behavioral, Inc.) and MHA (Mental Health America).

What I find so hopeful is that this is a creative solution. NAMI estimates that one in five people will experience a mental illness in a given year. That isn't a small problem. And as I've often discussed in this space, care for mental illness is hard to come by. Providing adequate access to treatment will require out of the box thinking.  This is a wonderful example.

Do you know of another example of innovation in the area of mental healthcare?  I'd love to hear about it.  Let's talk!  Sending much love.......

If you would like to find out more about this innovative plan, Google 'Walgreens Mental Health'. There is an abundance of articles and explanations.....

Mother's Day and Maxine........

Apart from her mental illness, Maxine could be an awesome mother. I remember my Mom as being playful and supportive. She was the kind of person who knew that the best way to bond with children was by finding their joy. I remember one time when I was taking baton twirling lessons, she encouraged me to practice by marching the entire family around the backyard in a "parade". She was creative. She was loving. Until you factored in her mental illness. When you added in the illness, Maxine was frightening. Angry and nasty. Punitive whenever her children acted like children. As I grew up, I saw more of the mentally ill Mom than I did of the loving, creative one. So, as I moved into adulthood, I was more focused on her illness than the woman underneath it.

So, obviously Mother's Day has always been difficult for me.  I never knew whether to celebrate her or ignore the holiday. Looking back, I think I pretty much ignored it. Dealing with Maxine and her mental illness was extraordinarily painful. Honoring her never entered my mind. I remember a conversation with my Rabbi as an adult about that whole honor your parents thing.  Obviously, I felt guilty about my feelings regarding Maxine. I seem to remember that my Rabbi was supportive. He understood the conflict. And told me that honoring Maxine could take many forms. I was satisfied with that thought. It gave me an opportunity to continue working through my anger. It allowed me to recognize the difficulty of being a parent struggling with the kind of illness that Maxine dealt with. My anger has steadily dissipated as my understanding of what she lived with has increased.

Maxine gave me life. She gave me many positive memories. The fact that she was severely and chronically mentally ill robbed me of opportunities to know my 'good' Mom. But becoming an adult, learning more about mental illness, and becoming a parent all helped turn my attitude around. Even though I don't have Maxine readily available to honor at this time of my life, I have no qualms about honoring her anymore. Happy Mother's Day, Maxine. You are understood and loved. I know what kind of struggle you endured. And I forgive you. Glad to have you back.

For my readers...have you struggled to forgive an abusive family member? Let's talk about it. I know that many of you can relate. If you are struggling to 'honor' an abusive parent, we have something in common. Sending much love! Happy Mother's Day!

Boundaries....

Like many people, I have problems honoring my own boundaries. In short, it is difficult for me to say 'No!' and stick with it. 'No' is really a good word. I'm not so sure why I find it difficult to use. But using it can keep you healthier. How did this come up? I was volunteered for a leadership role I did not want. I didn't say 'No' because I didn't want to hurt the young woman who volunteered me. But I didn't fulfill on this leadership role. Because I didn't want to. And I had things to do that were more important to me. Which made this person remove me from the leadership role. It caused hard feelings because I was honest about the fact that I didn't want to do it in the first place. I think this person was somehow convinced that I was upset about being removed. That was almost funny.  I was upset because I wasn't even asked before this person added me in the first place.

So, what did I learn? I am responsible for setting my own boundaries.  I don't have to do things I don't want to or have no time for.  It isn't 'nice' for me to take care of the feelings of other people at the expense of my own needs and desires.  If my answer is 'No', I need to say it. And if someone attempts to ignore my boundaries, it is OK to detach from that relationship. It is said that issues come back into your life over and over until you've dealt with it. I'm taking the opportunity to practice boundary setting. For the friend that chose to 'honor' me with a job I didn't want...if you ever add me to anything without discussing it with me first...I will leave. I'm in charge of what I want to take on. Not you. IF you choose to maintain a connection with me, you will need to do your own work on respecting boundaries.

For my readers, can you relate? Do you know how to respect your own boundaries?  Do you understand the need to respect the boundaries of other people?  Let's talk!  Sending love......

Suicide........

Suicide has been in the news lately. It appears that statistics indicate that suicide has increased by a whopping 24% over the last decade.  It is now the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. While there are significant details in those statistics that indicate populations most at risk, I'm going to discuss what I consider the most important aspect of the increase.  Lives are lost.  Valuable human lives which could be saved if we made the effort.

I know that mental health services aren't as readily available as needed. I found that out during the biggest mental health crisis of my life in Florida. Wherever I reached out...I was turned away. And the only reason I finally got help is because I demanded it by letting the authorities know I was suicidal. I had to scream to get help.  Asking nicely didn't work. I think the fact that I knew something about how to obtain mental health care saved my life.

Suicide is the natural result when mental health issues and the lack of adequate help bring someone to a state of absolute hopelessness. I know that I would have gone further down the road to self-destruction if I hadn't found my solution. I would have been another one of those statistics...a suicide. A wasted life. A loss to my family. A victim of a biochemical monster increasingly impacting our society. As evidenced by a 24% increase in suicide. Isn't it time we dealt with it? Sending much love......

The Gift of Time........

Depression always made time my enemy. I was always in a hurry for it to pass in order to get through how miserable I was feeling.  Or I was dreading the passage of time because of fear over some anticipated horrible future event. What I didn't recognize is that time really is a gift...one that should be enjoyed and savored. I've spent much time wishing away that gift. And I truly regret that. The good thing is that recovery has given back my ability to appreciate the gift of time. I'm so grateful.

Today, as I was speaking to my Aunt A, I was reminded of that fact. Time passes. People we love become sick and die. Things change. But we have this ability to live each moment to it's fullest. Every moment is a gift.  If we are able to see that. Depression robbed me of some moments.  If you are consumed by overwhelming fear, sadness, and emptiness...joy is hard to see. Can you relate to this?

So, here is what I'm going to work on. I'm going to find the good part in every moment I'm given. Even the bad moments have redeeming qualities...a lesson learned perhaps. Or an opportunity made available. Or maybe the gift is simply
that I'm alive and able to feel love and joy. While I may feel the negative emotion, it will be my goal to move past it without being consumed.  I have medication today.  And I have tools. How about you?  Sending love.....